November 13, 2007


At what point in a person's life do they stop feeling like a kid, and start feeling like a grown-up?

I'm starting to feel like I never will. I mean I've been on my own technically since before I was 18, I'm married, pay for all my own bills, have a college degree and... I'm married. Yet, I still feel like nothing more than an overgrown child. There are times in my life where I just think, what the heck am I doing, I should just move back home and stop pretending to be an adult.

I still have all of my childish pet peeves, I still get those uncontrollable grumpy for no reason moods, I don't exactly throw tantrums any more, but sometimes I can get pretty close. My house is a mess more often than not. I'd rather spend my time doing something silly and frivolous than cleaning, doing bills, or taking care of my other responsibilities. I imagine that even once I have kids, I'll still feel like a kid who's just in a really long babysitting role. Yes I'll be responsible, and I'll love my child more than it would ever be healthy for a babysitter to do. But I think I'll still relate more to my child than the grown up adult that I'm supposed to be.

Maybe I wasn't meant to feel grown up. Maybe I'll always be a kid at heart. I imagine the moment that I start feeling grown up is when I'll run out of the will to really live life. I'll admit that I don't have much of a life as it is, too much work. But I still have the desire to get out there and go and live and do. I shudder to think of what my life would be without even that much.

I hope I'm not the exception to the rule.

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